BULLYING is NOT OK!

Wikipedia’s definition of bullying is “use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively to impose domination of others, behavior is often repeated and habitual.”  Other definitions include the use of phrases such as “perceived power imbalance, intimidation of a weaker person, mistreating someone weaker or in a vulnerable situation.”

It’s appalling the number of bullying situations we hear about in the news today!  Unfortunately, we often hear that the extent of the bullying has led a young person to take his or her life. 

“The research states that one in three middle school children report being bullied.  One in ten report being bullied daily or several times a week.  This is NOT a phase or part of growing up!  Bullying can happen anywhere, anytime, to anyone!  It can be face-to-face, through social media, and/or texting. 

There are three main characteristics to define bullying according to the research:

1.    Harm – hurt physically, socially, or emotionally

2.    Unfair match – one person or group doesn't have the physical, verbal, or social skills to effectively contest the other person or group

3.    Repeated occurrences -  harm and unfair match are repeated over a period of time”

But, is this new or are we just hearing more about it because of texting and social media influencing our young people’s lives today?  Personally, I think bullying has always been around on some level. For example, the older kids would take the lunch money or the actual lunch of someone younger. People would tease someone who was “different” whether it be their size, their intelligence, their clothing, their lack of physical adeptness, their disability etc. etc.  Think about your days in grade school and junior high (middle school), and even in high school.  I would venture to guess that most of you can think of specific examples that happened at your school.  How many of you, in retrospect, would say YOU were bullied at one time or another or maybe YOU were the one doing the bullying. 

I remember an experience with my daughter when she was in 6^th grade (middle school.) Let me first clarify that she was and continues to be a person with confidence in herself and her abilities, was all about making situations fair, and had a definite sense of right and wrong.  I never worried about her until her behavior began to subtly change.  She was sleeping more, had a hard time concentrating, and seemed to be distracted a lot.  Easy to explain…hormones, middle school, growing up.  That is until a teacher called and let me know that several of the 8^th grade girls had been bullying her.  What I was also told was my daughter had finally gone to a counselor at the school and asked for help.  My daughter took  control, asked that the counselor support her when she confronted the girls, which then took place in the counselor’s office.  That ended the bullying.

It’s one of those stories you want to hear more about, but what is frightening to me is one; as a parent, I explained away the changes in her behavior as a part of growing up, and two, these things happen even to kids who do have a measure of self confidence. 

When I first started writing this I thought the answer was simple – we need to work on the self esteem of all our kids, and we’ll have the problem at least more manageable. That is until I remembered the situation with my daughter. SHE had self esteem, at least, I thought she did.  In retrospect, she did have self esteem - to an extent.  Growing up is hard, and we all have that tendency to compare ourselves to others and kids can be cruel.

Obviously, there are no easy answers.  I feel sorry for both the victim AND the bully.  BOTH have their own issues of not feeling powerful in and of themselves.  That bully also is lacking in self esteem, in my opinion, and seems to only be able to feel powerful when they put someone else down.  To me the difference between the two is the bully feels they CAN take action to show their power and the victim feels powerless.  There isn't an easy answer, there are many layers to this problem, but yes, we still do need to work on the self esteem of all our children!

Adding another dimension for our children (my grandchildren), today is the effect of Facebook Twitter, texting, and how quickly others can anonymously “jump on board.”

So what can we do?  The first step is to be aware of the characteristics and to pay attention to our kids. Here’s an excerpt from an article written by Tanya Beran:

 By Tanya Beran, PhD Bullying Special Edition Contributor

Updated on Jan 24, 2012

“Effects of Bullying: Signs That A Child Is Being Bullied

All types of bullying may have a tremendous impact on targeted children. They may feel depressed, anxious, eat or sleep less or more, have difficulty concentrating on school work, have trouble making friends with others, lie, steal, run away from home, avoid school or even consider suicide (1, 3, 13, 18). Children may not want to tell anyone if they feel they deserve this type of treatment, caused it, or that telling would make it worse (which the bully may have threatened). There may also be long-term effects of bullying on bullies themselves (13). Some children who bully at a young age may continue to use aggression and control in other relationships as they grow older (13). For example, boys may start dating earlier than other boys and be aggressive in these relationships. Also, as adults they may be aggressive towards colleagues, use aggression with their own children, and engage in criminal acts including sexual assault. Girls involved in significant bullying in the early grade school years may experience depression over a long term, attempt suicide, or develop an eating disorder (19).”

More on this topic later, but I would appreciate your thoughts.

Follow my blog:

nburianek.blogspot.com

LIMITLESS Reduces Inflammation

I’m a firm believer that we are all given challenges in our lives for a reason.  The difference between us is who is listening and doing something different OR who’s pointing a finger, blaming, and having a constant pity party?  You know what I mean?  That is not to say I didn't go through the “why me” stage or felt sorry for myself when I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.   The key, however, is how long do you stay in the pity party?  Take ACTION! 

Is it disturbing to learn that chronic inflammation is the root of nearly every modern disease on the rise today.  The good news is, however, we can choose each day to make good choices that will limit the “fuel to the fire” and reduce our chances of having the disease in the first place or, in my case, to conquer the inflammation, pain, and swelling.   I am now leading a fully functioning life.  The more I learn about the human body, the more convinced I am that “we have all the natural tools needed to maintain a healthful balance in our systems.” (Marcelle Pick, OB/GYN NP) Today is the day to begin leading a healthy and productive life no matter how old you are!!

As a champion for health and wellness, I have been approached by many friends and networkers to try products such as Protandim, Isogenics, and Orenda to name a few.  I found for myself that they didn't make a difference.  That’s my story as I do respect these companies and they do have products that work for others.  Because of this experience, I was hesitant to look at other nutritional companies.

Last January, I was introduced to an authentic company with proprietary products.  A dear friend and mentor, Rick Parros, a former Denver Bronco player, asked Jon and me to go to Dallas and check out EVOLV, a company in Dallas with Trey White as the CEO.  At our visit, we also met Dr. Anne Smith, the CSO (Chief Science Officer) who explained the history of of the products and the science behind each. She is an amazing woman who has led the way with the development of the products.

What stood out to me the most was Limitless.  It has had an immediate and long term effect for myself and a wide variety of people.  Limitless is a pure beet extract and it’s the betalains in the beets that strengthens the body functions and REDUCES INFLAMMATION!!  I have tried so many times to reduce the amount of methotrexate I use for my rheumatoid.  Because of Limitless, I have reduced the amount by 1/3^rd!!  I have also found that after my workouts my recovery time is much quicker, and yet I continue to have more energy throughout the day.  

Now I have young athletes all the way to my 86 year old mom who have found great results with this product.  It’s been everything from reducing and even eliminating shoulder pain, hip pain, migraines, performing at a higher level with their competition, and adding more focus and mental clarity to their work just to name a few results.

Inflammation!  LIMITLESS has definitely made a difference for me.  If you’re in pain and want to learn more, check out my website:

http://njbhealth.myevolv.com/

CHRONIC INFLAMMATION

What is chronic inflammation?

Inflammation seems to be the new “buzz” word.  I always thought inflammation was just when I had something like a sprained ankle.  Little did I know there can be inflammation in and around organs, the reason for so many of our health issues etc. etc.

My rheumatoid arthritis? It stems from inflammation.  Inflammatory bowel disease, eczema? Also stem from inflammation.  “But chronic inflammation has now been connected to many modern diseases from obesity, diabetes, and high blood pressure, to Alzeheimers,  osteoporosis, Parkinson’s, cancer, and even depression," according to Marcelle Pick, Ob/gyn NP. 

There’s a difference between Western medicine and Functional medicine.  Western medicine primarily has a pathology orientation.  For example, when they look at our lab results, they see if we’re within the “normal, average” range.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve always felt we are each different and our numbers need to be what is right for each of us individually – not an average.  Functional medicine, however, looks at what is true for each individual and even more important what is the cause of what is happening?  Functional medicine views “chronic and degenerative illnesses – and even biological aging – as rooted in chronic inflammation.”  (To clarify, I am NOT opposed to Western medicine as it does have its place. What I am in favor of is getting all the information and finding the cause in order to avoid continuing the problem.  I want to make an informed decision about my health.)

The list of symptoms chronically associated with low-grade chronic inflammation include:

·         Body aches and pains

·         Congestion

·         Frequent infections

·         Diarrhea

·         Dry eyes

·         Indigestion

·         Shortness of breath

·         Skin outbreaks

·         Swelling and/or stiffness

·         Weight gain/obesity

“We all need a measure of inflammation to survive.  Acute inflammation is the short-term immune response our bodies mount in cases of trauma, infection, and allergy.”  When all is working as it should, our bodies “release pro-inflammatory compounds when needed and turning them off with anti-inflammatory compounds when the threat has been sufficiently addressed.”

Chronic inflammation is when the normal response is not completely turned off.  My rheumatoid arthritis was my body fighting against itself and the inflammation continued causing the extreme pain and stiffness.  Another example of inflammation is my slight sensitivity to gluten. It isn't enough for me to completely eliminate gluten, but I do have to pay attention.  Some of our health issues may begin as small inconveniences such as gas, bloating, and discomfort in our digestive system.  (By the way, the digestive system has been referred to as the “second brain.”) I, for one, use to have the mindset that these effects were just an inconvenience.  I didn't pay attention to the fact that every time I ate a lot of bread I had these “symptoms.”  Just like I didn't associate my extreme level of stress which, for me, turned chronic inflammation in my hands and feet into my rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis.  The “root of chronic inflammation is an imbalanced immune system.”

My main message is to first pay attention to what is going on in your body, pay attention to what you’re eating and then observe how your body responds.  You may need to keep a journal to watch for patterns and frequency. Our bodies are incredible miracles. Learning more is a key to that health and being the best we can be.

No more excuses that you don’t have time to keep a journal.  Remember…what that really means is you’re not willing to make your health a priority.  Our health should be our NUMBER ONE INVESTMENT. 

BLAME AND EXCUSES

How many times do we blame or make excuses why we can’t do something, why things don’t get done?  Have you heard or ever used yourself some of these:

·         I don’t have time.

·         I’m too busy.

·         I’m too old.

·         I tried that before and it didn’t work.

·         I just don’t have any luck.

·         It’s easier for ______, it’s just not me.

·         I don’t have the money.

·         Sure I had dreams when I was younger, but then I grew up and life got in the way.

My guess is we have all used most if not all of these (and more) at some point in our lives. My question is though, how is that working for you?  Are you growing, learning, and moving forward or just existing?  Jim Rohn says that for every finger pointing to someone or something else, there are three pointing right back at “you know who.”

Take just one day and listen to yourself and those around you.  How many times are you hearing excuses and blame versus taking personal responsibility and finding solutions to remedy a situation?  If you listen to the news at all, which I try not to do very much, our government officials on ALL levels are great at the blame game.  One grandmother’s message to them was to grow up and start taking responsibility for what is going on.  Are you willing to take a look at your own words and actions and take responsibility so change can happen?

I have been fortunate enough to have many mentors in my life who helped me move past that blame game and move into solution mode.  Time?  We all have 24 hours.  It’s NOT that we don’t have time…it’s that it’s not a priority.  Hmmm…that changes things doesn’t it?  Now, in my head, I’m asking myself if whatever it is, is a priority.  It has little to do with time.  If going to my granddaughter’s dance recital is a priority then I will make time even though that means driving 5 ½ hours to get there!  If I was asked to go to a networking event that wasn’t going to move my business forward it now is easier to decline the invitation since it’s not a priority.

Busy?  Most people are busy.  Personally, I think it comes back to the same question as TIME…is it a priority?  Our schedules are never too busy for things that are important to us.  Priority…there’s that word again.

Too old?  Really?  Who’s mindset is that?  What is too old?  At 61 now, I hear this WAY too much!  What’s the real issue?  Isn’t it that we’re really saying we’re out of shape and won’t do something about it? 

I’ve tried that before and it didn’t work.  Ok, what part didn’t work?  Is there a different way we can try to get to the same result?  It didn’t work for you or it doesn’t work at all?  Do you have any evidence that whatever it is may be working for someone else?

My point in all this is to get all of us out of the rut of blame, excuses, denial, and fear of change.  Life is all about PRIORITIES and moving forward.  If we’re NOT learning and growing, we’re dying.  We get comfortable in our routines, but we NEVER learn when we’re feeling comfortable. 

REFLECTIONS - ACTIONS

Monday’s reflection on the past 10 days has also brought an incredible amount of pride and excitement in the business Jon and I began in January of 2013.  As a quick background, we have always wanted to make a difference in people’s lives as we did in our jobs before retirement.  In the past 7-8 years, we have come across great companies with incredible leadership/training but the product wasn't right for us, then we found a great product but the ownership didn't have integrity and the training wasn't there.  In January, we went to Dallas with Rick Parros, former Denver Bronco and incredible leader and friend.  There we were introduced to Trey White, Brent Hicks, Dr. Anne Smith, and the company EVOLV. 

Originally, I told Rick we would go and listen, but I was not interested in getting involved with a health and wellness company as they were a “dime a dozen.”  Since we have focused on our own health and wellness for many years, people come to us all the time with their products that are “wonderful and will change our lives.”  We tried many of them, partially because these were friends who recommended these products, but nothing really made a difference.  Hence my hesitation to get involved with something new.  However, I did promise Rick we would listen and have an open mind.

After hearing about their mission statement that included Helping Other People Evolve in all areas of their lives, hearing how the company gives back, as well as observing, listening, and believing in the integrity of Trey, Brent, Dr. Anne and the entire team I began lowering my guard and listening more intently.   We were educated on the science behind the products by Dr. Anne.  Products that no one else has and are proprietary to EVOLV. The company focuses on true health, wellness, and for some wealth, and there was transparency with everything from the physical structure of the offices to the documentation and science behind the products.  Time and again there was evidence that this EVOLV company was walking their talk. My skepticism vanished and excitement grew.

Fast forward nine months later.  Not only have we used products like the Limitless for inflammation, Activate for energy, shakes for a meal replacement, Thin for an energy/meal suppressant and others, but we have asked others to try samples.  Stories of no longer having migraines, allergies less severe, our pregnant and now nursing working mom with two children daughter having more energy, Jon lowering his cholesterol medicine level, taking pain away from an aching shoulder for my 86 year old mom, a friend no longer in pain with fibromyalgia, and a testimonial from our 21 year old nephew about reducing his recovering time from a ½ Ironman competition are just a few of the results people are having with these products.  Even our chiropractor/kinesiologist who has done in depth research and investigated the Limitless product now gives trial samples to patients where it would be helpful.

What has truly now become my personal mission and focus is to pay attention to what people are saying about their health, asking questions, and only if it’s appropriate giving out samples for people to try.  Any age (we have customers from 15-86), male/female, athletes or not, people just needing more energy, those in pain, or wanting to lose weight are all people who can benefit from these products.  Jon and I can attest to our own results.

After having my own health challenges with rheumatoid arthritis, watching my sister-in-law surviving an almost fatal stroke, talking to my niece who’s the doctor and can have 3-4 migraines a week if she’s not on medication are all reasons for me to at least let them try the EVOLV products.  If I can make a difference in people’s health and wellness including my own family, then that is my WHY.

EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

It’s been an “interesting” 10 days.  Everything from the beginning of five days of torrential downpour of rain leading up to the flooding here in Colorado.  In between, there was the trip to Virginia for a wedding that included historical site seeing and forever memories with family.  Coming home to the total devastation all around us but not affecting our home, being on a boil water restriction, to a 50 year high school reunion for Jon rounded out the ups and downs of our days.

A few words that come to mind over this time are: community, compassion, sadness, happiness, new journeys, new beginnings, disbelief, challenges, thankfulness, reflections, and so much more.  It’s been an emotional roller coaster but one where I have been able to watch and observe my own behaviors and those around me. 

Today I find myself more anxious, not as patient, and “out of sorts.”  Why is that?  I have so much to be grateful for and so many blessings in my life.  Then I reread my first two paragraphs.  Though I have been totally present with each day and each activity with so many wonderful memories, there is still that “haunting” feeling of so many people are hurting and there is so much to do to support one another.  What can I do?  How can I help?  We’re going out of town Wednesday to visit our son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter, Teagan.  I’m excited as it’s been almost two months since I’ve seen them, but that also means I can’t be here to do something.

It’s interesting how writing this out makes me begin to take control over that anxiousness, and I’m realizing I have been judging myself.  I’m NOT doing enough, others are doing more etc. etc. Negative, negative, negative.  Here’s where the metacognition (thinking about my thinking) has hit me between the eyes.  Remember…what you focus on expands.  (Jim Rohn)  What have I done to bring some comfort or encouragement or support to others?  How may I have added value to someone else’s life in the past 10 days?

My 83 year old aunt lost her car when the garage in her building was flooded, so I took her to get her hair done, we ran errands, and we had a coffee catch up time as she needed to “get away” from the frustrations of the water damage in her building.  At Panera Bread, I gave the manager $25 to pay for a flood victim who came into the restaurant, and I donated clothing to a consignment store that allowed flood victims to come in and get clothing for free. 

In addition, my sister-in-law and mother of the groom suffered a severe stroke 5 years ago. In a conversation with her, I was able to share with her how she is such an inspiration to me, her siblings, her children, and her grandchildren and to realize how much she contributes to all our lives.  Her sister, one daughter, and her husband were all there with each of us adding to a lively discussion. She commented later how much she appreciated the encouragement.  I recommended a book called ­The Present  by Spencer Johnson.  It’s a powerful book and one I would recommend to anyone. 

During that visit in Virginia, I focused on spending quality time with my three nieces and my nephew, the groom, listening to their stories of all that’s been in their lives lately. One niece is in her last year of residency in pediatric neurology (married with two children), drives two hours one way to the hospital in Boston, and was also in Boston when the Boston Marathon bombs went off.  Another niece has recently moved to a new location, has a new job as a preschool director, and her youngest son, 8 months, was born without an ear canal or ear drum.  She and her husband are amazing young people and this little boy is healthy and happy despite what some might term a disability.  Each one had their own trials and tribulations yet they are all positive, see the sunshine rather than the darkness, and are adding value to my life, their parents’ lives, their own children’s lives, and are making a difference in this world.  I am so proud of them all. 

What was my role what did I do?  I was an encourager, a listener, I was present with each conversation, and I enjoyed the times without judgment. I’m feeling a calmness come over me.  I’m realizing that though I still feel I need to do more, I have done some things, and I will continue to be present to see what is next.

COLORADO STRONG,

First and foremost, the flooding that has occurred in the Boulder, Longmont, Lyons, and Estes Park areas has been devastating to so many.  The number of homes lost is over 1,500 and counting, over 16,000 homes damaged, the numbers yet unaccounted for is still over 600, more than 200 have been air lifted to Boulder from mountain areas, and 7 deaths.

Our home is in the northeast corner of Boulder County. Fortunately, we have not had any real water damage to our home and the only "issue" we're facing is needing to boil all our water until further notice.  It's hard to believe as we look out our window with the sun finally shining, we can see the mountains once again, and what had been so brown due to the drought is now green, that just 10 minutes in any direction there is flooding, roads destroyed, bridges no longer in place, and so much more devastation.

I think back to all I've written over the past few weeks about a positive attitude, moving forward, yes, maybe some luck, and helping others is now playing out here in Colorado with the floods and even earlier in the summer with all the fires around Colorado Springs.  The people who are being interviewed reflect first about the fact they're alive, their family is together, and the things lost can be replaced. I'm  uplifted hearing the stories and the first response of resiliency.  Already it's coming up on Facebook and other social media outlets of ways people can help:  donate clothes and shoes to a second hand clothing store where victims can come and get what they need for FREE, T shirts showing a new emblem representing this time where all the proceeds go to a relief effort, people opening their homes, and that's only the beginning.

This is a disaster beyond what most of us can understand.  There hasn't been an air evacuation this large since Katrina so we know this is only the beginning.  A long journey of recovery.  The roads, bridges, once again power and safe water will take time and a lot of patience.  In addition, the emotional challenges will come and go for a very long time.  So how will each of us react to our personal experiences?  There will be that emotional roller coaster sometimes even from hour to hour.  I think we will need to be sensitive to our own emotions and those around us, listening is key, we need to be present with our emotions whatever they may be, it's ok to laugh and cry all in the same breath, and it will be important for us to be patient and fluid with how we are dealing with and how others are dealing with this tragedy.

My blessings to all Coloradoans!  We are a proud, strong group of people.