EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

It’s been an “interesting” 10 days.  Everything from the beginning of five days of torrential downpour of rain leading up to the flooding here in Colorado.  In between, there was the trip to Virginia for a wedding that included historical site seeing and forever memories with family.  Coming home to the total devastation all around us but not affecting our home, being on a boil water restriction, to a 50 year high school reunion for Jon rounded out the ups and downs of our days.

A few words that come to mind over this time are: community, compassion, sadness, happiness, new journeys, new beginnings, disbelief, challenges, thankfulness, reflections, and so much more.  It’s been an emotional roller coaster but one where I have been able to watch and observe my own behaviors and those around me. 

Today I find myself more anxious, not as patient, and “out of sorts.”  Why is that?  I have so much to be grateful for and so many blessings in my life.  Then I reread my first two paragraphs.  Though I have been totally present with each day and each activity with so many wonderful memories, there is still that “haunting” feeling of so many people are hurting and there is so much to do to support one another.  What can I do?  How can I help?  We’re going out of town Wednesday to visit our son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter, Teagan.  I’m excited as it’s been almost two months since I’ve seen them, but that also means I can’t be here to do something.

It’s interesting how writing this out makes me begin to take control over that anxiousness, and I’m realizing I have been judging myself.  I’m NOT doing enough, others are doing more etc. etc. Negative, negative, negative.  Here’s where the metacognition (thinking about my thinking) has hit me between the eyes.  Remember…what you focus on expands.  (Jim Rohn)  What have I done to bring some comfort or encouragement or support to others?  How may I have added value to someone else’s life in the past 10 days?

My 83 year old aunt lost her car when the garage in her building was flooded, so I took her to get her hair done, we ran errands, and we had a coffee catch up time as she needed to “get away” from the frustrations of the water damage in her building.  At Panera Bread, I gave the manager $25 to pay for a flood victim who came into the restaurant, and I donated clothing to a consignment store that allowed flood victims to come in and get clothing for free. 

In addition, my sister-in-law and mother of the groom suffered a severe stroke 5 years ago. In a conversation with her, I was able to share with her how she is such an inspiration to me, her siblings, her children, and her grandchildren and to realize how much she contributes to all our lives.  Her sister, one daughter, and her husband were all there with each of us adding to a lively discussion. She commented later how much she appreciated the encouragement.  I recommended a book called ­The Present  by Spencer Johnson.  It’s a powerful book and one I would recommend to anyone. 

During that visit in Virginia, I focused on spending quality time with my three nieces and my nephew, the groom, listening to their stories of all that’s been in their lives lately. One niece is in her last year of residency in pediatric neurology (married with two children), drives two hours one way to the hospital in Boston, and was also in Boston when the Boston Marathon bombs went off.  Another niece has recently moved to a new location, has a new job as a preschool director, and her youngest son, 8 months, was born without an ear canal or ear drum.  She and her husband are amazing young people and this little boy is healthy and happy despite what some might term a disability.  Each one had their own trials and tribulations yet they are all positive, see the sunshine rather than the darkness, and are adding value to my life, their parents’ lives, their own children’s lives, and are making a difference in this world.  I am so proud of them all. 

What was my role what did I do?  I was an encourager, a listener, I was present with each conversation, and I enjoyed the times without judgment. I’m feeling a calmness come over me.  I’m realizing that though I still feel I need to do more, I have done some things, and I will continue to be present to see what is next.