EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

It’s been an “interesting” 10 days.  Everything from the beginning of five days of torrential downpour of rain leading up to the flooding here in Colorado.  In between, there was the trip to Virginia for a wedding that included historical site seeing and forever memories with family.  Coming home to the total devastation all around us but not affecting our home, being on a boil water restriction, to a 50 year high school reunion for Jon rounded out the ups and downs of our days.

A few words that come to mind over this time are: community, compassion, sadness, happiness, new journeys, new beginnings, disbelief, challenges, thankfulness, reflections, and so much more.  It’s been an emotional roller coaster but one where I have been able to watch and observe my own behaviors and those around me. 

Today I find myself more anxious, not as patient, and “out of sorts.”  Why is that?  I have so much to be grateful for and so many blessings in my life.  Then I reread my first two paragraphs.  Though I have been totally present with each day and each activity with so many wonderful memories, there is still that “haunting” feeling of so many people are hurting and there is so much to do to support one another.  What can I do?  How can I help?  We’re going out of town Wednesday to visit our son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter, Teagan.  I’m excited as it’s been almost two months since I’ve seen them, but that also means I can’t be here to do something.

It’s interesting how writing this out makes me begin to take control over that anxiousness, and I’m realizing I have been judging myself.  I’m NOT doing enough, others are doing more etc. etc. Negative, negative, negative.  Here’s where the metacognition (thinking about my thinking) has hit me between the eyes.  Remember…what you focus on expands.  (Jim Rohn)  What have I done to bring some comfort or encouragement or support to others?  How may I have added value to someone else’s life in the past 10 days?

My 83 year old aunt lost her car when the garage in her building was flooded, so I took her to get her hair done, we ran errands, and we had a coffee catch up time as she needed to “get away” from the frustrations of the water damage in her building.  At Panera Bread, I gave the manager $25 to pay for a flood victim who came into the restaurant, and I donated clothing to a consignment store that allowed flood victims to come in and get clothing for free. 

In addition, my sister-in-law and mother of the groom suffered a severe stroke 5 years ago. In a conversation with her, I was able to share with her how she is such an inspiration to me, her siblings, her children, and her grandchildren and to realize how much she contributes to all our lives.  Her sister, one daughter, and her husband were all there with each of us adding to a lively discussion. She commented later how much she appreciated the encouragement.  I recommended a book called ­The Present  by Spencer Johnson.  It’s a powerful book and one I would recommend to anyone. 

During that visit in Virginia, I focused on spending quality time with my three nieces and my nephew, the groom, listening to their stories of all that’s been in their lives lately. One niece is in her last year of residency in pediatric neurology (married with two children), drives two hours one way to the hospital in Boston, and was also in Boston when the Boston Marathon bombs went off.  Another niece has recently moved to a new location, has a new job as a preschool director, and her youngest son, 8 months, was born without an ear canal or ear drum.  She and her husband are amazing young people and this little boy is healthy and happy despite what some might term a disability.  Each one had their own trials and tribulations yet they are all positive, see the sunshine rather than the darkness, and are adding value to my life, their parents’ lives, their own children’s lives, and are making a difference in this world.  I am so proud of them all. 

What was my role what did I do?  I was an encourager, a listener, I was present with each conversation, and I enjoyed the times without judgment. I’m feeling a calmness come over me.  I’m realizing that though I still feel I need to do more, I have done some things, and I will continue to be present to see what is next.

Do You Believe in Luck?

Do you believe in luck?  Would you consider yourself a lucky or unlucky person?  Once again, we want to put ourselves into a box with a label.  I find myself saying things like…why bother to even put my name into the drawing, I never win anything.  Yet, I can always point to someone else who “seems to have all the luck.”

Richard Branson was asked if he felt like luck played a part in his success.  Read his answer, “Yes, of course, we are all lucky.  If you live in a free society, you are lucky.  Luck surrounds us every day; we are constantly having lucky things happen to us, whether we recognize it or not.  I have not been any more lucky or unlucky than anyone else.  The difference is when luck came my way, I took advantage of it.”

What a great response.  I have added to my list of gratitudes at the end of each day, the fact that I live in a free society and am able, as a woman, to pursue my dreams.  I have on a new pair of “glasses” to be sure I’m NOT taking things for granted such as living in this country and having the freedoms that we have.  I AM LUCKY.

Darren Hardy has this to say in his Compound Effect book, “we often hear that luck is when opportunity meets preparation, but that isn't enough.”  Darren added two other critical components to that word “luck.”

“The (Complete) Formula for Getting Lucky:

Preparation (personal growth) +

Attitude (belief/mindset) +

Opportunity (a good thing coming your way) +

Action (doing something about it) =

LUCK”

Here we go again….I need to take full responsibility for what has happened in my life – good or bad, right or wrong, success or failure…

The late Jim Rohn says, “The day you graduate from childhood to adulthood is the day you take full responsibility for your life….embrace the fact that you are freed by your choices, as long as you assume personal responsibility for them.  It’s time to make the choice to take control.”  No more blame, finger pointing, “poor me” attitude etc. etc. (nonresourceful feelings) Metacognition…be conscious of your decisions.

Jim also has said, “ What’s simple to do is also simple not to do.

The biggest difference between successful and unsuccessful people is…who’s willing to do what others are not willing to do?”  Vince Poscente talks about this in his book, The Ant and the Elephant.  There are many well known self development authors who are saying the same things, just different words.  Personally, when I finally got to the place I was ready to learn I’m “seeing” these common threads all around me.  (Isn't that the same as when I’m looking for a particular car, that particular car is all I see.  It’s not that there really are more of them, it’s because I’m alert to it.

Lucky?  YES, I AM!!  

Small Smart Choices...

With a focus on my health and well being, for me, it means both physically and mentally.  I've been fascinated to learn more about how our past plays a part in our decision making as well as the influence our subconscious mind has on our actions or lack there of.

Have you ever read Success magazine?  If so, you’re familiar with the name Darren Hardy who is the publisher and founding editor of Success. (Great reading, by the way.) I recently reread his book, The Compound Effect, which I highly recommend.  What he discusses in his book correlates with everything else I’m reading from Jim Britt, to Jim Rohn, to many others.  Here’s the first paragraph of his introduction:

“This book is about success and what it really takes to earn it.  It’s time someone told it to you straight.  You've been bamboozled for too long.  There is no magic bullet, secret formula, or quick fix.  You don’t make $200,000 a year spending two hours a day on the Internet, lose 30 pounds in a week, rub 20 years off your face with a cream, fix your love life with a pill, or find lasting success with any other scheme that is too good to be true.  It would be great if you could buy your success, fame, self-esteem, good relationships, and health and well-being in a nicely clam-shelled package at the local Walmart.  But that’s not how it works.

We are constantly bombarded with increasingly sensational claims to get rich, get fit, get younger, get sexier…all overnight with little effort for only three easy payments of $39.95.  These repetitive marketing messages have distorted our sense of what it really takes to succeed.”

As Vince Poscente discusses in his Ants and the Elephant book, our conscious mind (the ant) reacts to those infomercials so we instantly buy.  How many of those purchases end up on the shelf never opened, or we don’t use the product for very long or we don’t get the results quick enough so we give up etc. etc.?  It’s also a piece of this instant gratification environment we seem to live in today.   Meanwhile, our subconscious mind (the elephant) is reminding us that those diets work for everyone else, only the rich can make money, the wrinkle cream works for everyone else just not me etc.

So what exactly is the Compound Effect and why should I care?  The definition is “it’s the principle of reaping huge rewards from a series of small, smart choices…..These small changes offer little or no immediate results, no big win, no obvious I-told-you-so payoff.  So why bother?  Most people get tripped up by the simplicity of the Compound Effect.  For example, they quit after a couple weeks in the gym because they’re still overweight.  Or they stop practicing the piano after six months because they haven’t mastered anything other than ‘Chopsticks.’  Or they stop making contributions to their IRA after a few years because they need the cash – it’s not adding up to much anyway. What they don’t realize is that these small, seemingly insignificant steps completed consistently over time will create a radical difference.”

Small smart choices + Consistency + Time = Radical Difference